We're all feeling the pinch of the recession, and we're all making cutbacks - but this doesn't mean that romance has to go out the window. You may not be able to afford to whisk her off to Barcelona for a weekend; you probably can't afford to pay for a golfing break in France for him - but there are hundreds of affordable - or even totally free - romantic things you can do for one another. Here are our Top 10 ideas for romance on a budget:
1. Create a Spa day at home. Every woman loves to be pampered at a Spa, but the cost of this can be astronomical. So why not create your very own treatment centre at home? Buy some inexpensive massage oils, read a book on technique (or find info on the web), and then spend a night massaging your loved one's aches away. The spa sauna can be replaced by a steaming bath, and you'll already have robes at home too!
2. Draw your loved one's portrait. Totally free, and totally romantic. Don't worry if you're not a budding Leonardo Da Vinci, as it's the effort that has gone into it that counts, not the final result. There are many guides available on how to draw a portrait - try Amazon, or just give Google a go. You'll be creating a masterpiece in no time.
3. Pen a poem. Poetry is timeless - a romantic cliché that really works. Don't think that it's just for women, either, as lots of men love receiving poems. It doesn't matter if the last time you wrote a few lines was when you wrote that limerick back at school - just sit down, think about what that special person really means to you, and write.
4. Take them back to the place you met. Now, if you happened to meet in the Penthouse of the 6-star hotel in Dubai, then this probably would break our budget - but if you met in the supermarket, in the park, or virtually anywhere else, this is a great, simple and inexpensive idea.
5. Create a treasure hunt. Bear with me on this, because it doesn't sound too romantic from the title, but it really is. Simply design a treasure hunt around your house - or, better still, combine it with the tip above and do it at the place you first met, or somewhere special to you both. With each clue, include a few words about how special he or she is to you, and make the final prize be...you!
6. Rent a special film. And by this I don't mean 'The Specialist' with Sharon Stone, I mean a movie that is special to you both in some way. Perhaps it was the film you saw on your first date, perhaps it contains 'your song' - whatever the reason, if it holds a special place in your heart, then a romantic night in front of the TV is a cheap and lovely idea.
7. Take a passport photo of yourself. And not just any passport photo - hold a sign that reads 'I Love You' in the photo booth. Present your loved one with this memento for them to carry in their wallet at all times - they're really romantic gifts for her or him.
8. Cook a romantic meal. Yes, this does happen to be perhaps the cliché of clichés, but it really is one of the best. It needn't be expensive, either, as sourcing some top quality ingredients is always a lot cheaper than a Michelin-starred hotel. OK, you may not be an award-wining chef, but as long as you have candlelight and your loved one, then the night will be perfect.
9. Surprise them at work. Turn up in their lunch hour, or just when they're about to finish for the day, and go for a walk or a small bite to eat. Not only will it be a surprise - which everyone loves - but it also shows that you love them so much you just can't keep away!
10. Write a love letter. Another timeless tip, and one that doesn't cost a dime. Simply get out your writing paper (remember that stuff?), your nicest pen, and write about how you feel. When it's done, you can either leave it on her pillow in the morning, send it to him at work, or present it to her yourself (perhaps with a rose in between your teeth too!).
~Alan Law
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Is Chemistry Real?
Is Chemistry Real?
Definitely...Absolutley!
For years I have been wondering if "it" that unexplainable chemistry that you hear about but don't find every day, where the connection just simply clicks actualy existed.
For all those who have pondered the same question I am here to tell you that YES, it is out there. It may not be easy to find and definitely is not something that happens every day. Its more of those once in a blue moon, one in a million type experiences that sweeps you off your feet and leaves you on the edge longing for more.
Chemistry at its best is something that is so chraged, people are wondering if they need to pour water on you.
Definitely...Absolutley!
For years I have been wondering if "it" that unexplainable chemistry that you hear about but don't find every day, where the connection just simply clicks actualy existed.
For all those who have pondered the same question I am here to tell you that YES, it is out there. It may not be easy to find and definitely is not something that happens every day. Its more of those once in a blue moon, one in a million type experiences that sweeps you off your feet and leaves you on the edge longing for more.
Chemistry at its best is something that is so chraged, people are wondering if they need to pour water on you.
Monday, May 4, 2009
What is Romance?
Being romantic is hard work. Some people think that romance is easy, that anybody can be romantic with very little work. This is not true. To be romantic there are a lot of things you must know about romance and a lot of situations you must prepare for. For example, you and your beloved plan a date for next Friday night. You ask where she'd like to go. "Oh, I don't know," is her reply. "Surprise me. I know you'll think of something special." What do you do? Give up? Read on and learn the secrets of romance.
What Is Romance?
Romance is a nebulous thing with the curious property of being describable but not definable. We won't muck with your head and try to suggest there's an ultimate definitive definition out there. Some people will try to do just that and come up with some tidy little definition, like, "Romance is showing you care." Sure, it sounds good at first, but although draping your coat over a puddle and asking if she remembered to brush her teeth that morning may be actions triggered by this same motivation, they rate distinctly differently on the romance scale.
Although it's not so much a definition, as it is no more precise than the word "romance" itself, one way to describe romance succinctly is "what women want out of a relationship." In other words, men aren't romantic, and if you're a man, that's why you need this guide. If you're a woman, of course, you were born with an innate knowledge of this stuff and need not read further.
But though romance may not be definable, there are still some hard fast rules. Below, we have documented many of the atomic elements of romance. Mix these ingredients up, and you've got it.
Intrinsic Romance
Some things are inherently romantic, like hearts. This is very useful, because you can pile things upon the object of your affections and win romance points without expending any additional effort or thought. The trick is to figure out what is romantic and what is not. There is a basic rule of thumb to follow: if it's cool, it's not romantic. For example, high powered rifles are not romantic. Science fiction is not romantic. DVD players are not romantic unless they're playing Sleepless In Seattle.
But a whole ton of things are intrinsically romantic, and you should use them to your advantage.
Cute Things
Teddy bears are romantic. Puppies are romantic. Cherubic baby archers are romantic. Those photographs where two little kids exhibit an unnatural affection for each other and only the roses are in color are romantic.
Taking advantage of the intrinsic romance in cute things obviously depends upon recognizing which things are cute. The rule is simple. Small things are cute. If you see a food product in a grocery store that comes in a smaller package than usual, get it, because there's a very good chance it's cute. The same goes for travel size shampoo, toothpaste, and so on. Find a store that sells doll house stuff, and your supply of cute things can be limitless.
Low Light
Candles are romantic. Sunrises and sunsets are romantic. Any kind of low light, you see, is romantic, hence why dinner dates after dark are more romantic than lunch dates at noon. Combine low light sources, and it stands to reason that the air of romance will be so thick, your beloved will be blind to anything else but the radiance of her shimmering knight in armor. Open the curtains on a sunset and light some candles, and you might even be able to get away with watching a football game during dinner.
Red
Red is romantic, because red is the color of love and passion. Consider roses. Red roses mean, "I love you." Yellow roses mean, "Let's just be friends," which is synonymous with, "You are irritating, and I hate you." So you do not want to be wrong. Get her red roses, red ribbons, red balloons, red teddy bears, red puppies, and red tickets to the World Series, and she'll fall hopelessly under your spell.
Background Music
Background music is romantic, and note the word "background," because not just any music is romantic. For music to be romantic, it must be too soft to hear. Also, it may not be lively or funny or good. Elevator music is the most romantic genre of music out there.
Chocolates
Chocolates are not only romantic, they're complimentary. When you give a box of chocolates to your beloved, it says, "You could pig out on this tub of lard and bloat out to three tons, but you'd still be the apple of my eye." It doesn't matter if it's true -- it's the message that counts. But the real reason to give your loved one chocolates is because any loved one worth her salt will turn right around and offer you some. It's a win-win no matter how you look at it. Buy her a red one shaped like a heart, and you're in like Flynn.
The Most Intrinsically Romantic Thing Ever
Based on the data above, the single most romantic thing in the universe can be calculated scientifically. It is, simply, a small red candle made out of chocolate and shaped like a teddy bear holding a heart with scribbles all over it that plays a tune when you wind it up. Toss her one of these at sunset on your way to a frat party, and you'll be able to stay out all night and still strengthen your relationship.
Impracticality
Practical things are not romantic. Why do you think blenders and toaster ovens are so notoriously unromantic? Because they have an alternative use, of course. But get her a poofy thing that sits on her dresser behind her jewelry box, never to be touched or moved again, and she'll melt in your arms.
Personal Stuff
Romance is personal. To be romantic, you must be personal and do personal kind of things. It's sort of romantic to buy a mooshy greeting card for your loved one, but to be really romantic, you should sign it. As far as birthday presents and so forth go, you can make the gift personal by carefully considering your beloved's interests and choosing a gift uniquely suited to her personality. Flowers always works.
Your Time
One of the required ingredients of romance is your time. Nope, there's no way out of it.
Blindness
An important part of romance is selective blindness. You must not acknowledge anything about your beloved that could possibly be construed as a fault. If a nightmare suddenly woke her up from a twenty minute nap after four straight days of not sleeping at all, don't even say she looks "tired." If "radiant" isn't the least of your comments about her appearance, you're sunk. If she's rude to someone without cause, prattle on about how much nerve that other person had for being such a big fat jerk. If she spilled pizza sauce on her chin, don't say a word, nor give any other indication that her complexion is amiss. Paradoxically, if she gets home, looks in the mirror, and finds it still there, she'll hate you for not telling her, so you'd better find a surreptitious way of removing it without her ever noticing -- and afterward, keep that stray globule of pizza sauce your best kept secret to the day you die.
Remembering Birthdays and Anniversaries
Remembering your beloved's birthday and your anniversary isn't so much romantic as it is a stay of execution, for surely you'll forget someday, and when you do, you'll find out how not romantic cold shoulders and tears are. Your safest bet is to find someone whose birthday is on Christmas, then marry her on New Year's Day, because nobody forgets those days.
Pet Names - DOnt ever call me a PET...period!
Style
Even if you get all the essentials of romance right, a lack of style could still foul you up. Try to be as "suave" and "debonair" as you possibly can, as this is the optimum romantic style. Be as much like James Bond as you can, except for the infidelity, compulsive gambling, chain smoking, and killing people parts. Be elegant, humble, refined, independent, thoughtful, responsible, compassionate, spontaneous, reputable, graceful, polite, literate, entertaining, discreet, funny, upstanding, sensitive, fun, sophisticated, pleasant, selfless, reverent, and genuine. And if you can't, fake it. And don't overdo it. Subtlety is essential. If she doesn't notice, you can always find an opportune moment to work a whispered pointer into the conversation, such as, "Notice how elegant, humble, refined, independent, thoughtful, responsible, compassionate, spontaneous, reputable, graceful, polite, literate, entertaining, discreet, funny, upstanding, sensitive, fun, sophisticated, pleasant, selfless, reverent, and genuine I am."
Better yet, follow the old adage, "Show, don't tell," and demonstrate these admirable attributes, each in turn, so she'll be sure to take notice. Wear a tuxedo, bow to the object of your affections, kiss her hand, and say, "Why did the chicken cross the road? But seriously, you are looking beautiful today, and may I suggest we adjourn and spontaneously give thanks to God while I empathize with your inner woman in private, if indeed you'd consent to receive the fervent attentions of my lowly self? And afterward, we could go to Disneyworld."
Not Having Food On Your Head
It's disturbingly common for romance counselors to neglect to mention this essential romance ingredient, in spite of how terribly important it is. Other romance guides blissfully skirt around this important tip, potentially leading their unwary followers to a fatal misstep. The unfortunate fact is that if you do everything else right but have a chicken pot pie oozing down over your ears, it's not romantic at all. It's embarrassing to the object of your affections, and embarrassment overrides romance. So when you've set the mood, the lighting, the background music, and put yourself in a chivalrous frame of mind, don't forget to make sure there are no edibles above the neck, or your efforts will be in vain.
~Samuel Stoddard
What Is Romance?
Romance is a nebulous thing with the curious property of being describable but not definable. We won't muck with your head and try to suggest there's an ultimate definitive definition out there. Some people will try to do just that and come up with some tidy little definition, like, "Romance is showing you care." Sure, it sounds good at first, but although draping your coat over a puddle and asking if she remembered to brush her teeth that morning may be actions triggered by this same motivation, they rate distinctly differently on the romance scale.
Although it's not so much a definition, as it is no more precise than the word "romance" itself, one way to describe romance succinctly is "what women want out of a relationship." In other words, men aren't romantic, and if you're a man, that's why you need this guide. If you're a woman, of course, you were born with an innate knowledge of this stuff and need not read further.
But though romance may not be definable, there are still some hard fast rules. Below, we have documented many of the atomic elements of romance. Mix these ingredients up, and you've got it.
Intrinsic Romance
Some things are inherently romantic, like hearts. This is very useful, because you can pile things upon the object of your affections and win romance points without expending any additional effort or thought. The trick is to figure out what is romantic and what is not. There is a basic rule of thumb to follow: if it's cool, it's not romantic. For example, high powered rifles are not romantic. Science fiction is not romantic. DVD players are not romantic unless they're playing Sleepless In Seattle.
But a whole ton of things are intrinsically romantic, and you should use them to your advantage.
Cute Things
Teddy bears are romantic. Puppies are romantic. Cherubic baby archers are romantic. Those photographs where two little kids exhibit an unnatural affection for each other and only the roses are in color are romantic.
Taking advantage of the intrinsic romance in cute things obviously depends upon recognizing which things are cute. The rule is simple. Small things are cute. If you see a food product in a grocery store that comes in a smaller package than usual, get it, because there's a very good chance it's cute. The same goes for travel size shampoo, toothpaste, and so on. Find a store that sells doll house stuff, and your supply of cute things can be limitless.
Low Light
Candles are romantic. Sunrises and sunsets are romantic. Any kind of low light, you see, is romantic, hence why dinner dates after dark are more romantic than lunch dates at noon. Combine low light sources, and it stands to reason that the air of romance will be so thick, your beloved will be blind to anything else but the radiance of her shimmering knight in armor. Open the curtains on a sunset and light some candles, and you might even be able to get away with watching a football game during dinner.
Red
Red is romantic, because red is the color of love and passion. Consider roses. Red roses mean, "I love you." Yellow roses mean, "Let's just be friends," which is synonymous with, "You are irritating, and I hate you." So you do not want to be wrong. Get her red roses, red ribbons, red balloons, red teddy bears, red puppies, and red tickets to the World Series, and she'll fall hopelessly under your spell.
Background Music
Background music is romantic, and note the word "background," because not just any music is romantic. For music to be romantic, it must be too soft to hear. Also, it may not be lively or funny or good. Elevator music is the most romantic genre of music out there.
Chocolates
Chocolates are not only romantic, they're complimentary. When you give a box of chocolates to your beloved, it says, "You could pig out on this tub of lard and bloat out to three tons, but you'd still be the apple of my eye." It doesn't matter if it's true -- it's the message that counts. But the real reason to give your loved one chocolates is because any loved one worth her salt will turn right around and offer you some. It's a win-win no matter how you look at it. Buy her a red one shaped like a heart, and you're in like Flynn.
The Most Intrinsically Romantic Thing Ever
Based on the data above, the single most romantic thing in the universe can be calculated scientifically. It is, simply, a small red candle made out of chocolate and shaped like a teddy bear holding a heart with scribbles all over it that plays a tune when you wind it up. Toss her one of these at sunset on your way to a frat party, and you'll be able to stay out all night and still strengthen your relationship.
Impracticality
Practical things are not romantic. Why do you think blenders and toaster ovens are so notoriously unromantic? Because they have an alternative use, of course. But get her a poofy thing that sits on her dresser behind her jewelry box, never to be touched or moved again, and she'll melt in your arms.
Personal Stuff
Romance is personal. To be romantic, you must be personal and do personal kind of things. It's sort of romantic to buy a mooshy greeting card for your loved one, but to be really romantic, you should sign it. As far as birthday presents and so forth go, you can make the gift personal by carefully considering your beloved's interests and choosing a gift uniquely suited to her personality. Flowers always works.
Your Time
One of the required ingredients of romance is your time. Nope, there's no way out of it.
Blindness
An important part of romance is selective blindness. You must not acknowledge anything about your beloved that could possibly be construed as a fault. If a nightmare suddenly woke her up from a twenty minute nap after four straight days of not sleeping at all, don't even say she looks "tired." If "radiant" isn't the least of your comments about her appearance, you're sunk. If she's rude to someone without cause, prattle on about how much nerve that other person had for being such a big fat jerk. If she spilled pizza sauce on her chin, don't say a word, nor give any other indication that her complexion is amiss. Paradoxically, if she gets home, looks in the mirror, and finds it still there, she'll hate you for not telling her, so you'd better find a surreptitious way of removing it without her ever noticing -- and afterward, keep that stray globule of pizza sauce your best kept secret to the day you die.
Remembering Birthdays and Anniversaries
Remembering your beloved's birthday and your anniversary isn't so much romantic as it is a stay of execution, for surely you'll forget someday, and when you do, you'll find out how not romantic cold shoulders and tears are. Your safest bet is to find someone whose birthday is on Christmas, then marry her on New Year's Day, because nobody forgets those days.
Pet Names - DOnt ever call me a PET...period!
Style
Even if you get all the essentials of romance right, a lack of style could still foul you up. Try to be as "suave" and "debonair" as you possibly can, as this is the optimum romantic style. Be as much like James Bond as you can, except for the infidelity, compulsive gambling, chain smoking, and killing people parts. Be elegant, humble, refined, independent, thoughtful, responsible, compassionate, spontaneous, reputable, graceful, polite, literate, entertaining, discreet, funny, upstanding, sensitive, fun, sophisticated, pleasant, selfless, reverent, and genuine. And if you can't, fake it. And don't overdo it. Subtlety is essential. If she doesn't notice, you can always find an opportune moment to work a whispered pointer into the conversation, such as, "Notice how elegant, humble, refined, independent, thoughtful, responsible, compassionate, spontaneous, reputable, graceful, polite, literate, entertaining, discreet, funny, upstanding, sensitive, fun, sophisticated, pleasant, selfless, reverent, and genuine I am."
Better yet, follow the old adage, "Show, don't tell," and demonstrate these admirable attributes, each in turn, so she'll be sure to take notice. Wear a tuxedo, bow to the object of your affections, kiss her hand, and say, "Why did the chicken cross the road? But seriously, you are looking beautiful today, and may I suggest we adjourn and spontaneously give thanks to God while I empathize with your inner woman in private, if indeed you'd consent to receive the fervent attentions of my lowly self? And afterward, we could go to Disneyworld."
Not Having Food On Your Head
It's disturbingly common for romance counselors to neglect to mention this essential romance ingredient, in spite of how terribly important it is. Other romance guides blissfully skirt around this important tip, potentially leading their unwary followers to a fatal misstep. The unfortunate fact is that if you do everything else right but have a chicken pot pie oozing down over your ears, it's not romantic at all. It's embarrassing to the object of your affections, and embarrassment overrides romance. So when you've set the mood, the lighting, the background music, and put yourself in a chivalrous frame of mind, don't forget to make sure there are no edibles above the neck, or your efforts will be in vain.
~Samuel Stoddard
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Real Goals Last Longer Than New Year's Resolutions
I recently came across this article and thought it was fitting to my "Real" theme. We are 4 months into the New Year...How are those New Years resolutions going? Perhaps this article can help set a new realistic expectation.
"Real Goals Last Longer Than New Year's Resolutions"
New Year's resolutions seem to guarantee a new start to old habits. It's a pessimistic, almost curmudgeonly attitude, yet, the evidence abounds. There is always a sudden rise in health club attendance in early January followed by the slow drop off by mid-February when club regulars can get back on the machines without waiting.
Collectively, we vow to diet, get more fit and live healthier lifestyles, but the obesity of adults and children in this country continues to be a problem. We promise ourselves this will be the year we earn more money, get a better job or do whatever we determine will make us truly happy.
How come we can't get resolute about our resolutions? Of course, some people do manage to ring in the New Year with lasting change, but they just make the rest of us feel bad about not even remembering what our resolutions were. In reality, New Year's Day is just like any other. Time doesn't stand still, nothing overtly magical happens, there is no unusual delineation as the clock strikes midnight indicating a new year just began. With the excitement of New Year's Day comes a renewed hopefulness that this year will be different or better, maybe just easier. In short order, though, the enthusiasm fades and old habits rise to the surface again.
When creating goals, many of us really engage in wishful thinking. Some craft a desired outcome then throw it out to the universe as if it will be caught, fulfilled and sent back neatly and completely packaged for success. The goal has no more chance of happening than winning a lottery without buying a ticket.
The real secret to change is how the resolution, goal or desired outcome is constructed. Achievable goals are realistic, can be carried out by the person making the goal, are measurable and have carefully thought out consequences. The last part, consequences, is essential to success and almost always overlooked. Hence the adage, "Watch what you wish for, you just might get it."
Try a different approach to resolutions this year with a five-step method for change based on basic principles of neuro-linguistic programming. Simply put, this method relies on specificity and positive language to develop your goals. Honestly answering the questions in each step will help you understand where you sabotage yourself, the obstacles to success and what will or won't happen if you make the change you want.
This process takes time so don't expect to complete it in one sitting, unless you can dedicate a significant block of time. It may seem somewhat elaborate and you may tire of working through it, but give yourself a gift this year and see it through to the end.
1) Specifically, what is the desired goal or result you want to achieve?
Write down the problem you want to change or something you desire. Make sure you write in positive terms, avoiding negative words like don't or can't. The fact is our brains have a hard time translating negative words into positive action. For instance, if someone said, "Don't think of a pink elephant" could you do it? Could you not think of it? No, you would think of or picture a pink elephant. The same thing happens when you write goals in negative terms. Take the time to express what you desire as specifically as you can using positive words.
To clarify your goal ask the following questions and change the goal until you know beyond doubt it's really what you want:
How do you know this is what you want?
How do you know when you have it?
What stops you from changing to get it?
2) Can my goal or desired result be initiated and maintained by me?
Using the example of winning the lottery, it is possible for you to initiate this goal by buying a ticket. It is not possible, however, to control anything beyond that point. Whether you win or lose is not up to you. After buying the ticket, the rest of this goal is in the hands of luck or chance. The other way we sabotage goals is by relying on someone else to begin the necessary sequence of events. If you cannot take action until someone else takes action first, then the goal is designed to fail. The key to this step is refining your goal so it begins and stays with you.
In this step, also ask yourself what habits you may need to change to get the desired result and what you want to preserve when achieving the goal. In other words, what are you willing to change and/or not change to get what you want?
3) What resources do I have available? Who or what can help?
This is the part where you can draw on people, places or things that are existing or new to help get what you want. Be careful to keep this within in your control as well. While you may need a resource you don't currently have, the important factor is whether you can initiate the action necessary to meet a new mentor, apply for college or contact an organization that can help you.
4) How will I know I achieved my goal or desired outcome?
This may seem a funny question to ask because surely we would know when a goal was achieved. Think back, though, to things you wished for and then forgot about that friends or family reminded you about or goals you achieved that also came with unwanted (watch what you wish for) elements. Writing goals down helps us remember what we're going after.
The thought, feeling or vision of what you desire must be so real that you can see it, hear it or touch it in your mind. You must fully form it as if you already have it.
5) What are the consequences of my goal or outcome?
You're almost done so stay with the process and answer all of the following questions. It is important not to skip any of the questions and to make sure you really consider each type of consequence. As necessary, go back and refine your original goal to make sure it captures all the desired elements of your success.
What will happen if you achieve your desired goal or outcome?
What won't happen if you achieve your desired goal or outcome?
What will happen if you don't achieve your desired goal or outcome?
What won't happen if you don't achieve your desired goal or outcome?
How do you know it's worth having?
What will be different as a result of having your desired goal or outcome?
How will it affect you, your life, your family, your friends, your job?
This goal-setting method is for those serious about making change in their lives. It is not for those whose idea of financial planning is buying lottery tickets. Wishful thinking, luck, serendipity and throwing it out to the universe are fun and whimsical ways to try conjuring up change, but the results may be as haphazard as the approach.The only resolution you need this year is to commit yourself to this goal-setting process. You have nothing to lose except old patterns of thinking, sabotaging beliefs, inaction and a health club membership you may no longer use.
"Real Goals Last Longer Than New Year's Resolutions"
New Year's resolutions seem to guarantee a new start to old habits. It's a pessimistic, almost curmudgeonly attitude, yet, the evidence abounds. There is always a sudden rise in health club attendance in early January followed by the slow drop off by mid-February when club regulars can get back on the machines without waiting.
Collectively, we vow to diet, get more fit and live healthier lifestyles, but the obesity of adults and children in this country continues to be a problem. We promise ourselves this will be the year we earn more money, get a better job or do whatever we determine will make us truly happy.
How come we can't get resolute about our resolutions? Of course, some people do manage to ring in the New Year with lasting change, but they just make the rest of us feel bad about not even remembering what our resolutions were. In reality, New Year's Day is just like any other. Time doesn't stand still, nothing overtly magical happens, there is no unusual delineation as the clock strikes midnight indicating a new year just began. With the excitement of New Year's Day comes a renewed hopefulness that this year will be different or better, maybe just easier. In short order, though, the enthusiasm fades and old habits rise to the surface again.
When creating goals, many of us really engage in wishful thinking. Some craft a desired outcome then throw it out to the universe as if it will be caught, fulfilled and sent back neatly and completely packaged for success. The goal has no more chance of happening than winning a lottery without buying a ticket.
The real secret to change is how the resolution, goal or desired outcome is constructed. Achievable goals are realistic, can be carried out by the person making the goal, are measurable and have carefully thought out consequences. The last part, consequences, is essential to success and almost always overlooked. Hence the adage, "Watch what you wish for, you just might get it."
Try a different approach to resolutions this year with a five-step method for change based on basic principles of neuro-linguistic programming. Simply put, this method relies on specificity and positive language to develop your goals. Honestly answering the questions in each step will help you understand where you sabotage yourself, the obstacles to success and what will or won't happen if you make the change you want.
This process takes time so don't expect to complete it in one sitting, unless you can dedicate a significant block of time. It may seem somewhat elaborate and you may tire of working through it, but give yourself a gift this year and see it through to the end.
1) Specifically, what is the desired goal or result you want to achieve?
Write down the problem you want to change or something you desire. Make sure you write in positive terms, avoiding negative words like don't or can't. The fact is our brains have a hard time translating negative words into positive action. For instance, if someone said, "Don't think of a pink elephant" could you do it? Could you not think of it? No, you would think of or picture a pink elephant. The same thing happens when you write goals in negative terms. Take the time to express what you desire as specifically as you can using positive words.
To clarify your goal ask the following questions and change the goal until you know beyond doubt it's really what you want:
How do you know this is what you want?
How do you know when you have it?
What stops you from changing to get it?
2) Can my goal or desired result be initiated and maintained by me?
Using the example of winning the lottery, it is possible for you to initiate this goal by buying a ticket. It is not possible, however, to control anything beyond that point. Whether you win or lose is not up to you. After buying the ticket, the rest of this goal is in the hands of luck or chance. The other way we sabotage goals is by relying on someone else to begin the necessary sequence of events. If you cannot take action until someone else takes action first, then the goal is designed to fail. The key to this step is refining your goal so it begins and stays with you.
In this step, also ask yourself what habits you may need to change to get the desired result and what you want to preserve when achieving the goal. In other words, what are you willing to change and/or not change to get what you want?
3) What resources do I have available? Who or what can help?
This is the part where you can draw on people, places or things that are existing or new to help get what you want. Be careful to keep this within in your control as well. While you may need a resource you don't currently have, the important factor is whether you can initiate the action necessary to meet a new mentor, apply for college or contact an organization that can help you.
4) How will I know I achieved my goal or desired outcome?
This may seem a funny question to ask because surely we would know when a goal was achieved. Think back, though, to things you wished for and then forgot about that friends or family reminded you about or goals you achieved that also came with unwanted (watch what you wish for) elements. Writing goals down helps us remember what we're going after.
The thought, feeling or vision of what you desire must be so real that you can see it, hear it or touch it in your mind. You must fully form it as if you already have it.
5) What are the consequences of my goal or outcome?
You're almost done so stay with the process and answer all of the following questions. It is important not to skip any of the questions and to make sure you really consider each type of consequence. As necessary, go back and refine your original goal to make sure it captures all the desired elements of your success.
What will happen if you achieve your desired goal or outcome?
What won't happen if you achieve your desired goal or outcome?
What will happen if you don't achieve your desired goal or outcome?
What won't happen if you don't achieve your desired goal or outcome?
How do you know it's worth having?
What will be different as a result of having your desired goal or outcome?
How will it affect you, your life, your family, your friends, your job?
This goal-setting method is for those serious about making change in their lives. It is not for those whose idea of financial planning is buying lottery tickets. Wishful thinking, luck, serendipity and throwing it out to the universe are fun and whimsical ways to try conjuring up change, but the results may be as haphazard as the approach.The only resolution you need this year is to commit yourself to this goal-setting process. You have nothing to lose except old patterns of thinking, sabotaging beliefs, inaction and a health club membership you may no longer use.
Monday, March 30, 2009
The Velocity Diet
The Velocity Diet
As I mentioned last month, I have chosen to enter a fitness competition this fall. I need to jump start things a little bit and have chosen to do the Velocity Diet during the month of April.
Wish me luck!
The Velocity Diet was created by Chris Shugart, Tim Ziegenfuss. PhD and Chad Waterbury.
Program Overview
Rapid body transformation requires two things for success:
1. A state-of-the-art diet and training program, based on hardcore science, and...
2. Your commitment to stick with the program.
They providing the program. You're providing the commitment.
Chris Shugart built The Velocity Diet system with the help of two world-class experts, exercise physiologist Dr. Tim Ziegenfuss and expert strength and conditioning coach Chad Waterbury.
The program is rock solid and complete, and requires nothing other than you doing it as outlined.
The program is comprised of two phases: a 4-week base program and a 2-week transition period, for a total of 6 weeks.
The eating plan is a protein-sparing liquid diet that provides one solid meal per week.
The training program consists of 3 weightlifting workouts per week and 1 bodyweight exercise session, called The V-Burn Challenge, which is performed on Saturday or Sunday.
You'll also do NEPA walks and NEPA activities each day. NEPA stands for Non-Exercise Physical Activity, and is included to further boost metabolic rate thus burning additional fat, and to speed recovery from training.
All of these concepts will be laid out in detail in other parts of the program.
For more information and to get your recipe for success, see www. t-nation.com
As I mentioned last month, I have chosen to enter a fitness competition this fall. I need to jump start things a little bit and have chosen to do the Velocity Diet during the month of April.
Wish me luck!
The Velocity Diet was created by Chris Shugart, Tim Ziegenfuss. PhD and Chad Waterbury.
Program Overview
Rapid body transformation requires two things for success:
1. A state-of-the-art diet and training program, based on hardcore science, and...
2. Your commitment to stick with the program.
They providing the program. You're providing the commitment.
Chris Shugart built The Velocity Diet system with the help of two world-class experts, exercise physiologist Dr. Tim Ziegenfuss and expert strength and conditioning coach Chad Waterbury.
The program is rock solid and complete, and requires nothing other than you doing it as outlined.
The program is comprised of two phases: a 4-week base program and a 2-week transition period, for a total of 6 weeks.
The eating plan is a protein-sparing liquid diet that provides one solid meal per week.
The training program consists of 3 weightlifting workouts per week and 1 bodyweight exercise session, called The V-Burn Challenge, which is performed on Saturday or Sunday.
You'll also do NEPA walks and NEPA activities each day. NEPA stands for Non-Exercise Physical Activity, and is included to further boost metabolic rate thus burning additional fat, and to speed recovery from training.
All of these concepts will be laid out in detail in other parts of the program.
For more information and to get your recipe for success, see www. t-nation.com
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Being Yourself – Being “REAL”
I recenltly put this theory to the test so to speak. Of course it had to do in the dating context, but I went on whim and just let it flow. What do you have to lose. If someone dosn't like you for who you truly are then asta la vista! Thus far this has led to one of the best experiences thus far in my life. Of course the companion plays a big part as well, but it feels so good to just...be me.
Being yourself is something which can, and should, come naturally, but often this is more difficult than it sounds. As young children, we express ourselves quite spontaneously, but for many adults this is sometimes a great challenge. Life has molded us to put up walls, fences, bridges which is actually quite silly since most the time these fronts can keep us from truly experiencing something amazing.
Be playful! Be who you are, and do what you feel. Being yourself doesn't need to be a chore. Be happy with who you are, and you are more than half way there. To some extent, the rest is automatic. You're already being yourself, at this very moment, but there is no reason to believe that who you are ends with who you think you are, right now. We can all grow beyond certain limitations, and we should give ourselves the chance to do so. Being yourself, however, also means affirming just that, including all your natural talents and proclivities, so that you can make the best possible use of your own best assets. You don't have to pretend to be something you're not, in order to be the someone who you are. It's not necessary. In the final analysis, being yourself is simply that. We all have things we're good at, or enjoy doing, and other things which we'd rather not have to deal with at all. Affirm your own strengths and preferences, being comfortable with yourself, as well as trying to satisfy others, and the rest will come naturally.
When we can share a little more of our true selves with others, without what we share offending the other person, we create a sense of kinship which helps to heal the separation between us. Being honest, or genuine, is the capstone of being yourself. If you must always remain aloof of others, by keeping your true identity a secret from everybody, or by hoarding your natural gifts and hiding what you know from them, it makes it very difficult to be yourself at all. Being authentic requires that you trust others somewhat, and this is often difficult, since people must render themselves vulnerable when they open up to others, but it is exactly what you must do, if you wish to drop your pretenses and really be yourself. There are often consequences for saying the wrong thing, when we are trying to be candid, however. It is therefore desirable to consider the possible impact of what you are about to say, before you speak. Gestures, of all kinds, can likewise be mis-interpreted. Nor is every kind of behavior appropriate, no matter who you really are. This is why it can be so difficult to be yourself. It takes guts! On the other hand, I am relatively sure that you are better at it than anyone else around.
So, what does it really mean to be yourself? If our instincts are dulled from years of living as part of human culture, does this mean that there is no hope for us to be natural? Thankfully, this isn't the case. What's required is actually fairly simple, in fact, it's simplicity itself, or rather, childlike innocence. Learning to play more, being more open and less pretentious, re-discovering and cultivating a sense of awe and wonder about life, and losing a little self-importance, will awaken your inner child, and allow you to be far more natural in your demeanor. This is the essence of being yourself! Perhaps, to some extent, "being yourself" is something you do, when you don't have anything else left which you must do, which might keep you from being at-ease and natural, but it doesn't have to end there. When people learn to set their masks aside, to reveal a little of who they really are, they create opportunities for personal growth, and interpersonal relationships, which might not otherwise exist. Therein lies the magic power of being yourself.
Being yourself is something which can, and should, come naturally, but often this is more difficult than it sounds. As young children, we express ourselves quite spontaneously, but for many adults this is sometimes a great challenge. Life has molded us to put up walls, fences, bridges which is actually quite silly since most the time these fronts can keep us from truly experiencing something amazing.
Be playful! Be who you are, and do what you feel. Being yourself doesn't need to be a chore. Be happy with who you are, and you are more than half way there. To some extent, the rest is automatic. You're already being yourself, at this very moment, but there is no reason to believe that who you are ends with who you think you are, right now. We can all grow beyond certain limitations, and we should give ourselves the chance to do so. Being yourself, however, also means affirming just that, including all your natural talents and proclivities, so that you can make the best possible use of your own best assets. You don't have to pretend to be something you're not, in order to be the someone who you are. It's not necessary. In the final analysis, being yourself is simply that. We all have things we're good at, or enjoy doing, and other things which we'd rather not have to deal with at all. Affirm your own strengths and preferences, being comfortable with yourself, as well as trying to satisfy others, and the rest will come naturally.
When we can share a little more of our true selves with others, without what we share offending the other person, we create a sense of kinship which helps to heal the separation between us. Being honest, or genuine, is the capstone of being yourself. If you must always remain aloof of others, by keeping your true identity a secret from everybody, or by hoarding your natural gifts and hiding what you know from them, it makes it very difficult to be yourself at all. Being authentic requires that you trust others somewhat, and this is often difficult, since people must render themselves vulnerable when they open up to others, but it is exactly what you must do, if you wish to drop your pretenses and really be yourself. There are often consequences for saying the wrong thing, when we are trying to be candid, however. It is therefore desirable to consider the possible impact of what you are about to say, before you speak. Gestures, of all kinds, can likewise be mis-interpreted. Nor is every kind of behavior appropriate, no matter who you really are. This is why it can be so difficult to be yourself. It takes guts! On the other hand, I am relatively sure that you are better at it than anyone else around.
So, what does it really mean to be yourself? If our instincts are dulled from years of living as part of human culture, does this mean that there is no hope for us to be natural? Thankfully, this isn't the case. What's required is actually fairly simple, in fact, it's simplicity itself, or rather, childlike innocence. Learning to play more, being more open and less pretentious, re-discovering and cultivating a sense of awe and wonder about life, and losing a little self-importance, will awaken your inner child, and allow you to be far more natural in your demeanor. This is the essence of being yourself! Perhaps, to some extent, "being yourself" is something you do, when you don't have anything else left which you must do, which might keep you from being at-ease and natural, but it doesn't have to end there. When people learn to set their masks aside, to reveal a little of who they really are, they create opportunities for personal growth, and interpersonal relationships, which might not otherwise exist. Therein lies the magic power of being yourself.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Igniting goals that fell to the curb!
Igniting goals that fell to the curb!
As a child I was the cute “chubby” girl. People always told me “oh you just have baby fat” or “you just have to grow into yourself”. This may very well have been part of it, but more of a contributing factor was that I was indeed a chubby child. I was a gymnast but a chubby one….try to picture that, ha! My mom would send me to my aunt in the summer and say “don’t send her back until she’s lost 10 pound”. As you can imagine, I was real thrilled to go to my aunts. Moderate torture and I never lost the weight, since I’d sneak to the candy store to compensate making me walk all over town.
Once I graduated High School, I began taking a very strong interest in working out, getting in shape and staying fit. I did end up losing all my “baby fat” and grew into myself if that is what you want to call it. The gym became part of my daily routine. I learning how to eat and what exactly proper nutrition entailed.
I became a huge fan of Oxygen magazine and favored Monica Brant and Lena Johannesen. One day I’ll be a figure competitor is what I kept telling myself. The years would go on and I just stayed at a “maintenance” level with my workouts. I’d try new diets here and thought that being a figure competitor was so far out of reach due to the time and effort it required.
Recently, I have had the pleasure of meeting someone simply amazing who has given me the inspiration, motivation and encouragement that I have needed this whole time to push me to the next level and really go after a goal that had slipped away. It’s amazing how knowing that someone believes in you can boost your confidence.
So, this year I will enter into my first figure competition in the fall! I have a long road ahead of me, but am determined to “just do it”!
Stay Tuned!
As a child I was the cute “chubby” girl. People always told me “oh you just have baby fat” or “you just have to grow into yourself”. This may very well have been part of it, but more of a contributing factor was that I was indeed a chubby child. I was a gymnast but a chubby one….try to picture that, ha! My mom would send me to my aunt in the summer and say “don’t send her back until she’s lost 10 pound”. As you can imagine, I was real thrilled to go to my aunts. Moderate torture and I never lost the weight, since I’d sneak to the candy store to compensate making me walk all over town.
Once I graduated High School, I began taking a very strong interest in working out, getting in shape and staying fit. I did end up losing all my “baby fat” and grew into myself if that is what you want to call it. The gym became part of my daily routine. I learning how to eat and what exactly proper nutrition entailed.
I became a huge fan of Oxygen magazine and favored Monica Brant and Lena Johannesen. One day I’ll be a figure competitor is what I kept telling myself. The years would go on and I just stayed at a “maintenance” level with my workouts. I’d try new diets here and thought that being a figure competitor was so far out of reach due to the time and effort it required.
Recently, I have had the pleasure of meeting someone simply amazing who has given me the inspiration, motivation and encouragement that I have needed this whole time to push me to the next level and really go after a goal that had slipped away. It’s amazing how knowing that someone believes in you can boost your confidence.
So, this year I will enter into my first figure competition in the fall! I have a long road ahead of me, but am determined to “just do it”!
Stay Tuned!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
