Real Goals Last Longer Than New Year's Resolutions

I recently came across this article and thought it was fitting to my "Real" theme. We are 4 months into the New Year...How are those New Years resolutions going? Perhaps this article can help set a new realistic expectation.


"Real Goals Last Longer Than New Year's Resolutions"

New Year's resolutions seem to guarantee a new start to old habits. It's a pessimistic, almost curmudgeonly attitude, yet, the evidence abounds. There is always a sudden rise in health club attendance in early January followed by the slow drop off by mid-February when club regulars can get back on the machines without waiting.

Collectively, we vow to diet, get more fit and live healthier lifestyles, but the obesity of adults and children in this country continues to be a problem. We promise ourselves this will be the year we earn more money, get a better job or do whatever we determine will make us truly happy.

How come we can't get resolute about our resolutions? Of course, some people do manage to ring in the New Year with lasting change, but they just make the rest of us feel bad about not even remembering what our resolutions were. In reality, New Year's Day is just like any other. Time doesn't stand still, nothing overtly magical happens, there is no unusual delineation as the clock strikes midnight indicating a new year just began. With the excitement of New Year's Day comes a renewed hopefulness that this year will be different or better, maybe just easier. In short order, though, the enthusiasm fades and old habits rise to the surface again.

When creating goals, many of us really engage in wishful thinking. Some craft a desired outcome then throw it out to the universe as if it will be caught, fulfilled and sent back neatly and completely packaged for success. The goal has no more chance of happening than winning a lottery without buying a ticket.

The real secret to change is how the resolution, goal or desired outcome is constructed. Achievable goals are realistic, can be carried out by the person making the goal, are measurable and have carefully thought out consequences. The last part, consequences, is essential to success and almost always overlooked. Hence the adage, "Watch what you wish for, you just might get it."

Try a different approach to resolutions this year with a five-step method for change based on basic principles of neuro-linguistic programming. Simply put, this method relies on specificity and positive language to develop your goals. Honestly answering the questions in each step will help you understand where you sabotage yourself, the obstacles to success and what will or won't happen if you make the change you want.

This process takes time so don't expect to complete it in one sitting, unless you can dedicate a significant block of time. It may seem somewhat elaborate and you may tire of working through it, but give yourself a gift this year and see it through to the end.

1) Specifically, what is the desired goal or result you want to achieve?

Write down the problem you want to change or something you desire. Make sure you write in positive terms, avoiding negative words like don't or can't. The fact is our brains have a hard time translating negative words into positive action. For instance, if someone said, "Don't think of a pink elephant" could you do it? Could you not think of it? No, you would think of or picture a pink elephant. The same thing happens when you write goals in negative terms. Take the time to express what you desire as specifically as you can using positive words.

To clarify your goal ask the following questions and change the goal until you know beyond doubt it's really what you want:

How do you know this is what you want?

How do you know when you have it?

What stops you from changing to get it?

2) Can my goal or desired result be initiated and maintained by me?

Using the example of winning the lottery, it is possible for you to initiate this goal by buying a ticket. It is not possible, however, to control anything beyond that point. Whether you win or lose is not up to you. After buying the ticket, the rest of this goal is in the hands of luck or chance. The other way we sabotage goals is by relying on someone else to begin the necessary sequence of events. If you cannot take action until someone else takes action first, then the goal is designed to fail. The key to this step is refining your goal so it begins and stays with you.

In this step, also ask yourself what habits you may need to change to get the desired result and what you want to preserve when achieving the goal. In other words, what are you willing to change and/or not change to get what you want?

3) What resources do I have available? Who or what can help?

This is the part where you can draw on people, places or things that are existing or new to help get what you want. Be careful to keep this within in your control as well. While you may need a resource you don't currently have, the important factor is whether you can initiate the action necessary to meet a new mentor, apply for college or contact an organization that can help you.

4) How will I know I achieved my goal or desired outcome?

This may seem a funny question to ask because surely we would know when a goal was achieved. Think back, though, to things you wished for and then forgot about that friends or family reminded you about or goals you achieved that also came with unwanted (watch what you wish for) elements. Writing goals down helps us remember what we're going after.

The thought, feeling or vision of what you desire must be so real that you can see it, hear it or touch it in your mind. You must fully form it as if you already have it.

5) What are the consequences of my goal or outcome?

You're almost done so stay with the process and answer all of the following questions. It is important not to skip any of the questions and to make sure you really consider each type of consequence. As necessary, go back and refine your original goal to make sure it captures all the desired elements of your success.

What will happen if you achieve your desired goal or outcome?
What won't happen if you achieve your desired goal or outcome?
What will happen if you don't achieve your desired goal or outcome?
What won't happen if you don't achieve your desired goal or outcome?
How do you know it's worth having?
What will be different as a result of having your desired goal or outcome?
How will it affect you, your life, your family, your friends, your job?

This goal-setting method is for those serious about making change in their lives. It is not for those whose idea of financial planning is buying lottery tickets. Wishful thinking, luck, serendipity and throwing it out to the universe are fun and whimsical ways to try conjuring up change, but the results may be as haphazard as the approach.The only resolution you need this year is to commit yourself to this goal-setting process. You have nothing to lose except old patterns of thinking, sabotaging beliefs, inaction and a health club membership you may no longer use.