Love is about control. Control is everything. Whether it be unrequited or reciprocated, love is about control. Self-control, emotional control. For unrequited love, it is a matter of schooling yourself so that your eyes don't shine so bright, your smile isn't so wide. It comes down to how much you want to hurt when you're around that person who has gained your affections and then tossed you aside like a ragdoll; how much you want them to see. So shutting down merely becomes a specialist's tool of self-preservation and ultimately, control.
When it comes to a love reciprocated, it is a game of self-control: be careful not to show how much you care about the other person lest you frighten them away, therefore control yourself and have it appear as though your affections are growing proportionally to the other person's.
However, love is not control.
Control is everything.
Therefore, love is not everything.
Scholars and poets have tried for centuries to describe what love is, how one should love, its origins, as well as the rate at which love should grow. "Love is not love which alters when in it, alteration finds" (Shakespeare).
Love is affection, but affection is not love. Love is trust - trusting someone not to break you entirely even though you have given then such power, such control. You give someone such control over you even if you know that ultimately they can betray it in a hearbeat.
Love is when a woman who has been married to the same man for fifty years dies, and then five years later her husband follows because he literally cannot live without her. Is that love? Being so intoxicated by someone that they become essential for one to continue on with daily activities? Or is that obsession? Perhaps love is obsession.
Love is merely the go-to term that people use to describe a strong feeling for another person but are too caught up and blinded to try and determine what it really is. Love and loathe are probably the two strongest things that one person can feel toward another, and yet it is "love" that is thrown around so flippantly. Throughout history and time countless men have told women about their undying love and faithfulness, but also throughout time, men and women alike have lied. So does that, therefore, mean that throughout time, love has lost power and meaning? Yes.. and no.
Yes, in that it has lost meaning because as time went by, as the centuries changed love has been taken lighter and lighter. Where once a sign of love was a woman giving herself wholly to her husband on their wedding night, it is now a trifling matter of whether or not she will swallow.
No, in that it has not lost its power. Love has always had the power to steal the breath from one's lips, and shake the foundations on which they have built their defenses, and cause one to make rash decisions that may be regretted later.
It is not fleeting or fickle, it is steadfast and strong. It is a fairytale told by mothers to their daughters. It is never giving up even when it seems all is lost. When you would rather nurse your broken heart than keep the pain at bay by running on hatred.
Love is about control. Control is everything. Love is Sacrifice. Obsession. Tolerance. Understanding. Abstract. Fear. Lie. Truth. Pain. Transcendental. Blind. Timeless. Short. Long. Real. Fake....Love is love, its real, it burns it aches it...is.
I do want the fairytale to tell my children.
"Love is not just to do something for someone - love is not a sort of sentimentality and kissing each other and so on. Love is to enter into covenant - to know that you accept me as I am, that you see my gift, but also that you see my wound. That you won't abandon me when you see my wound, that you won't just flatter me when you see my gift. But you accept me as I am with all that is fragile, all that is broken, all that is beautiful, too."
- Jean Vanier
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